Volume 4 Number 4

MYTHOLOG

Autumn 2006



The Storyteller Game

by Mark Allan Gunnells

Andy
Ready? Okay, here goes. Uhm, yeah, well, there was this guy, he was a prince or something. Yeah, a prince, only his dad hated him. His dad, the king, didn't think the prince was really his son. See, the king thought the queen had been messing around on him, and the prince didn't look anything like his dad. So the king hated him and didn't ever want him to run the kingdom, right? So the king sent the prince away. Only he didn't say it was because he hated him; he told the prince he had a mission for him. He told the prince that there was a magic amulet deep in the forest that the king needed in order to make sure that nothing happened to the kingdom. Thing is, the amulet really belonged to this evil old witch who was really powerful and would strike the prince dead the second he set foot in her forest. At least, that's what the king was hoping. But the prince wasn't an idiot. He knew what the king was up to, and he went on the mission because he knew the amulet would give him enough power to stop whatever the king could come up with. So he sets off into the forest with nothing but a sword and his trusty horse ... uhm, his trusty horse ... Lionel. Anyway, the forest is all dark and scary and there's all these wild animals. He has to fight off a lion and a panther and even a dragon or two. He finally finds his way to the witch's hut and --

-- ding! --

Rachel
Ha, my turn, I'm next. Let's see, the prince got to the witch's hut and invited him in. She gave him some nice hot tea and told him that she wasn't really a witch at all. Yeah, it turns out she was really a beautiful princess that had been cursed years ago by a mean old ugly troll. He had used the amulet to trap her in the body of a shriveled-up old witch, and she'd been that way ever since. The troll was long gone, but she didn't know how to break the curse. The prince, because he was so smart as well as absolutely dreamy, figured it out. He smashed the amulet with a hammer, and the curse got broke. The witch turned back into a young princess, and the dark forest became an enchanted woods, full of sunlight and deer and rabbits and fairies and elves and all that. They went outside and saw Lionel had grown wings and a horn, now he was a magical unicorn. She told the prince that they could fly back to her kingdom, which was up in the clouds, and she could help him figure out a way to beat the prince's mean dad. They got on Lionel's back and flew up into the sky when --

-- ding! --

Stan
Thank God that's over! Rachel, your story sucks major ass. Well, let me see if I can get this thing back on track. Okay, so they get on the horse's back and fly off when ... Okay, I got it. A bolt of lightning shoots out of the sky and zaps Lionel right on the ass. The horse -- what? Oh, sorry Rachel, the unicorn -- gets burnt to a crisp and falls right out of the sky. The prince and his chick fall into these bushes. They get scratched up, but they're okay, you know? The bushes broke their fall or whatever. There's nothing left of Lionel but some smoking ashes and bones. The prince doesn't have much time to be sad about it, though, because then all these wolves show up, snarling and slobbering. You see, the king knows what the prince is up to, and he calls in his best wizard to take care of the little bastard. So it was the wizard that sent the lightning bolt, and the wizard is controlling all the wolves. The prince and the girl take off running, I mean really hauling ass, but the wolves are right on their tail. One of the wolves chomps down on the girl's ankle and she goes down screaming. The prince don't even slow down. He's not retarded, he knows it's life or death, he can't stop to help the girl without getting eaten himself. Lucky for him, all the other wolves stop and make a circle around the girl. She's all crying and snot running and begging for her life, but the wolves just pounce on her. They tear her all up, ripping her to pieces and snarfing her up for dinner, 'til there's nothing left but some shreds of her pink dress and some blonde hair. This gives the prince time to get away from 'em, though, and --

-- ding! --

Bailey
Oh, me now? I'm not ready. Gosh, let's see. Do I have to do this? So they ate the princess, right? Gross. So the prince is running. He's running and running. The wolves are all full and worn out, so they lay down to take a nap. The prince keeps running. He meets someone and ... no, wait. He finds a cave and goes in to rest. There's someone in there ... or maybe not. But something happens and the king doesn't know where he is after that! Uhm, the prince is hungry and finds some berries in the cave. They're good, but they're poisoned and he falls down into a coma. Anyway, meantime the king comes into the woods looking for him. Wait, I don't like that, can I just stop now? Let me start over. The wolves get sleepy, and the prince finds a cave. He eats some poisoned berries and goes into a coma. That's all good. But the king can't see him anymore in his crystal ball or magic mirror, something like that. He's too busy running the kingdom to go looking for the prince, though, so he sends the wizard to do it. That sound good? So yeah, the wizard is searching the woods for the prince --

-- ding! --

Becky
Hmm, my turn? Give me a second, I want to make this good ... OK, the wizard is searching the woods for the prince, but the cave has a mystical force-field around it that keeps the wizard from finding him. Finally, though, the wizard just happens to come across the cave and goes in to check it. He finds the prince all laid out on the ground, some berries crushed in his fist. The wizard knows the berries are poisoned and he does a spell that saves the prince and wakes him up. When the prince sees the wizard standing there, he freaks out and starts backing away. But here's the twist. The wizard doesn't want to hurt him. Get this, the wizard is the prince's real dad! That's right, the wizard had an affair with the queen years ago and the prince is the wizard's son. He was only pretending to help the king so that he could find the prince and help him. So they hug, and the wizard teaches the prince some magic, and then they start making a plan to take down the king. They leave the cave and head off to the kingdom. It's a long walk, but the wizard has a magic carpet and they hop on and go soaring through the air. The castle is big, looks a lot like that one at Disneyland, and it's surrounded by guards. They know that the prince can't get in past all those guards --

-- ding! --

Cedric
Cool, I get to finish it off. So the wizard, he casts this spell that changes the way the prince looks, makes him look like somebody else, one of the guards maybe. That way the prince gets to sneak in, and the king won't know about it. The wizard goes to the king's room to tell him he couldn't find the prince, that he thinks the prince was killed by the wolves. The king is sitting alone on his throne, drinking some wine and eating a leg of lamb or some pheasant, and whatever else kings eat. The wizard tells his story, but the king ain't buying it. He knows what's really going down, and he knows some magic of his own. The wizard starts to do a spell, but the king shoots some electricity out of his fingers and fries the wizard right there on the spot. The king is going to go search the castle because, with the wizard dead, that means his spell will have worn off and the prince will look like himself again. But the king only gets two steps and falls down dead. See, the prince had snuck in the room and crushed up some of the poisoned berries in the king's wine. Then the prince uses the magic the wizard had taught him to bring the princess, the wizard, and Lionel back to life. They live happily ever after and rule the kingdom forever and ever. The end.

Andy
There, are we done? Was that good enough?

Bailey
The doors aren't opening.

Becky
I was sure that would be good enough this time. It had everything -- excitement, romance, betrayal, a happy ending. Why wasn't that good enough?

Stan
Probably Rachel's fault. Her part was crap.

Rachel
Shut up, Stan. If it's anyone's fault, it's yours, with all that unnecessary over-the-top violence.

Cedric
Look guys, if we're going to get out of here, we're going to have to work as a team. All the parts of the story have to work if we want that door to open. Those are the rules. Let's just try again.

Andy
Okay, set the timer. Ready? Once upon a time ...


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